This is an opinion piece, My Opinion in regards to family.
There are many ways to start this piece and each would be valid. So, I will start with what happened today that got me thinking about this writing.
Today was an early October Sunday, where for a change, I went to Shul to hear a Rabbi speak about a book on which my thoughts on this type of subject causes me great aggravation and I would not usually attend. However, this one I did attend, and the results were not different. I am neither upset with the Rabbi nor the Author. Not even the book, which states the results of our actions. The last is only performed in the manner of stating research and scholarly documentation, but for me, I attach my personal experience and knowledge from many sources, including the Tanakh.
Some of the items pointed out in that discuss were:
Giving up personal autonomy after having a baby;
resulting in the frustration of the mother with the demands of the baby;
and the need to be CEO of the home by managing everything and everyone;
the need to juggle the child care,
the office if you have a career,
medical issues,
baby feeding issues,
diaper changing,
noise,
sleep loss,
lack of appreciation,
the delegation/division of house work with the husband and of course he may even want sex, which is now a massive burden;. . . . .
It was pointed out that it does not get easier with the child going to school, and the desire to micro-manage the schedule of the child/children, which causes them(the child/children) to feel great amounts of personal pressure, while having no free time to be bored which leads to greater creativity.
Those are some of the points covered in the discussion. They really are not that different from most of these types of books/discussions from the past 25 years.
I was raised in the 1950’s, where my mother had children, as close in age as 11 months three weeks apart, with me starting the line up. While I was the only child at the start of my life. I lost that position 14.4 months into my life when my first brother showed his face. One aspect of my personality my mom describes as “Mother Hen”, her example: when my first brother had a dirty diaper and was crying, no one came to help, so my mother found me with Paul’s diaper pin undone and I was trying to get him out of his dirty diaper. I do not personally remember this as I had to be 2 and 1/2 years of age at the time. I have a great memory, but not that great. The point here is, I came into the world seemingly worried and trying to help others, which based upon my writings, I would need to acknowledge has not changed much, I am still worried about the “Dirty Diapers”. Even that of my daughter, in the middle of the night, when she was that age.
Why am I disturbed about this discussion? The “personal autonomy” for me was the biggest light bulb in years.
1) ‘Giving up personal autonomy.’ As most of this is related to the New Realities of Progressives, Liberals, Socialist, Communist, left wing, …. where does personal autonomy have any existence? I am very old fashion, 3 to 4 thousand years old fashion and yet still only a few decades in the U. S. America’s timeline. I have over eight years military, including war, and I can tell you there is no autonomy as a government underling, you do what needs to be done for those around you, believing that they will do the same for you. Only recently (last 50 years+/-) in our history, it has been considered outrageous to be divorced, even for cause. This created the need to find a partner that you were going to be with your whole life. Ideally, this man and woman would be partners in life, which means being the other half of the family. Being a part of someone else, leaves you with no real autonomy. You and they do what is needed to have food, clothing, a roof, warmth and then to the pool of the family. Maybe that is why combat veterans have friendship that last a lifetime with those they were in combat with. I watch your back and you watch mine.(example: http://www.mechon-mamre.org/p/pt/pt08b10.htm the story of Hanun the son of Nahash and what happened then.)
2) I cannot leave the ‘Personal Autonomy’ issue as it seems to be a foundation issue for everyone. Here I will go to the Writings of Moses(TORAH), Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said: ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.’…. This happened before Adam was given a job to do. A nice statement for the MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE, but Adam had a voice, and he said:
“Genesis 2:23 And the man said: ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. ….” Is it so difficult to understand that while THE LORD is there for your soul, the union discussed by Adam is your life on this world, your help and your strength for body.
Some Basics We Should Understand:
1) How you live will be emulated by your children, they learn starting day one.
2) Men and women ARE different. Not just in genitalia, but in every aspect of their life, even the way they view the world.
Men (hardened by the world for protecting, are facing[out] away from home a family) were made to get food, plan for hazards, understand and to stop the enemy by all means necessary to protect family, community and country.
Women, (softer, gentler than man[facing in]) providing an emotional and physical support protection, making the home, raising the children, maintaining a community of family and friends, healing, supporting and maintaining the refuge worthy of defense and sacrifice given by the man.
It is possible for men and women to live in isolation, but they will leave no legacy, have no trustable relations, are not be worthy of support from any children, family, community which they were opposed to building, supporting or loving.
As I have learned, there are times when we must add our personal effort in support of the other, family and even sometimes the community. The LORD made you and me for a set of specific functions, with skills, assets and challenges, which individually we are required to choose what ‘I will do and won’t do’, thereby earning the reward of each choice made. None of us were meant to be solo.
3) The TORAH, also know as the Writings of Moses, or the Five Books of Moses, I give you the On One Foot Definition of TORAH: It explains:
A) Who is GOD.
B) What HE Wants from you.
C) How to treat family.
D) How to treat those which are not family.
E) Your responsibility to protect everyone!, the rest to the TORAH is Examples of why and how.
In the end: Your soul is the most valuable possession you have. The second most valuable possession is your family and then your friends. By being Righteous you save your Soul and demonstrate to the others how important they are to you so that they may learn to do the same.
Shalom,
Yaakov
P.S.
An additional understanding, which I have been considering for a while now, and something else came to light. Another reason it is not good for man to be alone. . . . While you are alone you think about yourself, but when another person becomes part of you, then you start thinking about them and their welfare. Therefore it is best that we are a part of someone that takes us out of ME and into US.
This seems to be another rather long dissertation if there is interest. Are you interested?